I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
