Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
