i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
The uberlube is also flammable
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
