This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
