There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
