Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Randomize
