I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
