Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Are my feet made of real feet?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
