Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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