She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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