I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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