I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
