apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
