She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
It's a yes or no question.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying