Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
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You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
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Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.