i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You need a sexual gate keeper
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing