Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it