Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
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