I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize