You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
