how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
