Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
