I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
