the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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