So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
