As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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