i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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