I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
