OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
