I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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