Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
