Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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