that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I checked into jail on foursquare
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
