Do vagina's smell?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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