i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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