I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
