she kept yelling 'call me bella'
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
