I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
