Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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