She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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