just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
