wat bout pragnant strippers??
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
