What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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