dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize