We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
