i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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