Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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