i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
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