Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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