Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
