no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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