seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
