I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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