Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I have aggressive nipples.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
