do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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