Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
