What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
my liver is dry heaving
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
