last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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