Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
