i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
