i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
