I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
