Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
