Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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