last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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