I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
