I wannas sexs uuuuu
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
