I think im going to throw up on grandma
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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