Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
