THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
