Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
