I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
