I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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