I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
