Hey man sorry I got all grabby
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
