I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
