So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
