at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
