Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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