I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize