i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
