I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
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How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just blew my weed a kiss
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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