I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
