i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot how hot balto sounded
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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